The TTC merry go round

Here is a picture I took in mid-December in the 'grief phase' of my cycle. I think I will title it "still life - handknitted baby hat with negative pregnancy test". The grief phase is the worst part of the TTC merry go round. (For those of you naive to such things, TCC is short for 'trying to conceive').

Since March 2007 and I been taking my temperature and (apologies to the squeamish) observing my cervical mucous on a daily basis in order to determine when I ovulate. The TTC merry go round goes something like this.

Day 1-Day 4 - period

Day 4 - Day 12 - the chill out phase when I can drink lots of booze and coffee and expose myself to noxious chemicals in the knowledge that I am not pregnant.

Day 13-15 - Sex on demand to make babies. Doesn't matter how tired, stressed, not-in-the moodish either party may be, sex must be had, preferably on multiple occasions.

Day 16 - my temperature rises, indicating ovulation has taken place. This is the first day of what is known as 'the two week wait'. In a cheerful mood because conditions for a possible pregnancy have been fulfilled. Stop drinking alcohol and try to cut down on caffeine.

Day 17 - 22 - too early to take a pregnancy test so try to put the whole thing out of my mind. Underlying feeling of anticipation.

Day 23- this is the first day from which possible early pregnancy symptoms can be felt. I intensely analyse any vague feelings of nausea, fatigue or adominal twinges for all the remaining days of the cycle. I become certain that I have early pregnancy symptoms and feelings of excitement rise.

Day 25 - The beginning of the 'crazy phase'. This is the first day on which I could get a positive pregnancy test. I try to tell myself not to test because it is probably too early and I will get a negative regardless of whether I am pregnant. I break down and test and it is negative. I feel a bit teary but comfort myself that I could still be pregnant.

Day 26 - Same as day 25

Day 27 - Same as day 25 and 26

Day 28 - Same as previous four days.

Day 29 - Period starts and hysterical sobbing ensues. Alcohol consumption resumes. Each time the merry go round is repeated the grieving phase is more intense and lasts longer.

Day 1 - merry go round starts again. With my period comes a new cycle and with it new hope....

Just in case you are interested, today I am round about day 23, the beginning of the crazy phase. Wish me luck for the upcoming week.